Even in dreams, I have my standards

I had the most bizarre series of dreams last night. It was like I was channel surfing through my head... I'd dream about something for a few minutes (or hours, I don't really know, since I'm not too good at telling time while I'm sleeping) and then move on to the next. At least a dozen different scenes that I can remember.

 

There was me building a house out of itemized bills from the hospital, then playing baseball with grapefruits but refusing to bat because I didn't want to waste the food. Then I was showering with a stranger and demanding he keep to his side of the shower and not look at, touch, or talk to me. After that I dreamed I was buying slaves and taking them home and educating them and being nice to them, while trying to convince all the other plantation owners that I beat them viciously. Then I was having an affair with my dad's ex-girlfriend. Then I was reading Schindler's Ark to an old man (who I think was AJ's grandfather) and using it to prove to him "see, your life isn't all that bad now is it?" Then I was having lunch with my MIL and our friend Debbie, and we were having a long conversation about putting the boys in Catholic school (rest assured, NOT going to happen). Then Pam (MIL) brought out lunch. Hot dogs.

Let me take a moment to advise that there are two foods absolutely banned in my home, off limits to my children, and that I will never touch. Hot dogs and bologna. It is well known not to offer either to my kids. So here I am in this dream, and Pam gives me a hot dog. And, it's like in this dream hot dogs are my fav thing ever and I was thrilled to get it.

But my subconscious was protecting me. Because just as I was about to put mayonnaise on it (and, for the record, mayonnaise is my greatest fear in life. I am TERRIFIED of it), I woke up. 3 am. I wasn't in pain, I didn't have to pee, nothing happened to wake me. I just woke myself to avoid eating the mayo slathered hot dog.

 

I am so proud of my brain.